Carson Career Centre

Dear Sir,

Congratulations on making the wise decision of submitting your resume to the Carson Career Centre. By taking the time to improve the quality of your resume, you’re proactively improving your odds of success in competitive labour market. An expert analyst has reviewed your resume and suggests the following comments, included below:

• Ugh, another one of these goddamn things. Did you even design it yourself, or did you just grab a pre-made one off the internet, or worse, Microsoft Office. Unimaginative little shits.
• Ooooh, look at you Mr. “M.A Pending”. My next shit is pending too. Do you have one of those little sheets of paper that say Master of Arts on it? No? Haven’t got one of those? I’ve got seven. Shut the fuck up.
• “Responsible for falicitating meetings--” Do you mean facilitating, moron? My god, what do they teach you asshats in school? We live in a world of spell-checking and hand-holding and you can’t even spell facilitating? I’m going to drop-kick your mother.
• You do not get to call yourself an expert user of Excel unless you regularly program in it using VBA. Shampoo this fucking resume clean of your filth.
• Why is it that you and every other idiot with a cell-phone camera lists travel and photography as their hobbies? Nobody’s buying it. Your hobbies are quite obviously Xbox and taking advantage of women with low self-esteem.
• That’s it. I can’t look at any more of this. I’ve never even met you and I already hate you. You fail. You fail at life. I’m going to go out, have a smoke, and when I get back this shit-on-paper had better be removed from my desk.

Once again, thank you for submitting your resume to the Career Centre!

Kindest regards,

Christine Bradley
Carson Career Centre President