Itinerary for the most Awesome Wedding in History

Saturday Morning
8:00 am – Prepare for arrival of spotlights.
9:00 am – Carving of altar and pews in ice begins.

Saturday Evening (Antarctic)
3:00 pm - 3:30 pm - Chefs and ingredients for reception dinner airdropped from various locations.
4:00 pm - Guests begin to arrive, are entertained by unscripted awkwardness of Ricky Gervais.
6:05 pm – CV-22 Osprey at 10,000 feet.
6:09 pm – Hardcore speed-metal band starts playing thrash guitar.
6:10 pm – Bride and groom jump out of aircraft on the backs of two armour-plated polar bears.
6:10-6:13 pm – Freefall. Custom parachutes are opened. Bears and passengers land safely on iceberg.
6:13 pm – Polar bears run down red carpet to designated places. Bride and groom hop off.
6:15 pm – Secular minister begins ceremony.
6:40 pm – Exchange of vows in English, read by Kenneth Branagh. Penguin sacrificial altar.
6:50 pm – Bride and groom kiss. Queue fireworks. Metal band cues up again.
7:00 pm – 40-Billion Candlepower Spotlights turned on. Queue Val Kilmer’s microphone – “Miracle three.”
7:02 pm – Bride, groom, bears, wedding party and guests exit to parked cruise ship as iceberg melts around spotlights.
7:30 pm – Wedding photos, both traditional and avant-garde.
8:00 pm – Reception begins. Gold commemorative statue unveiled. Aerosmith, Run DMC and London Philharmonic Orchestra begin their musical acts.
9:00 pm - Comedic toasts from the wedding party commence. Laughter assured.
12:00 pm – Violin orchestra assembled in honeymoon sweet.
12:40 pm – Bride and groom exit reception.
1:00 am – Epic consummation ceremony documented by Sofia Coppola.

Sunday
10:00 am – Fireworks end.