Conversations with Jeremy Irons

Casting Director: “Mr. Irons, we’re starting work on a film you might be interested in.”
Jeremy Irons (dramatically): “Is there a dragon in it?”
Casting Director: “Um, no…no dragons. The concept is a re-imagi—”
Jeremy Irons (dramatically): “Will there be magic?”
Casting Director: “If you’ll let me finish. No, there’s no magic. The concept is a re-imagining of Daniel Defoe’s Robinson Crusoe. You’d be play—”
Jeremy Irons (dramatically): “A wizard? A mage? A warlock perhaps?”
Casting Director: “…you’d be playing Crusoe, who finds himself shipwrecked on an island in the—”
Jeremy Irons: “I’ll do it...”
Casting Director: “Huh?”
Jeremy Irons: “On the condition that the writers include a Wyvern’s Nest on the island as well.”
Casting Director: “Huh? What the fuck is a Wy—goddamn it, is that some kind of dragon?”
Jeremy Irons (dramatically): “The Wyvern is a proud and highly intelligent fire-breathing species of dragon which maintains a telepathic bond with its riders, formed by the mental impressions they receive at the time they hatch from their eggs.”
Casting Director: “It’s Robinson-fucking-Crusoe, Mr. Irons. There will be no dragons, magic or twelve-sided dice. Are you even listening to me?”
Jeremy Irons : "I'd prefer if the Wyvern could speak, too."
Casting Director: “What the fuck would a dragon have to say?”
Jeremy Irons: “He'd say that I should have been tapped for one of those Lord of the Rings movies, or Harry Potter, or something."
Casting Director: "I hate you people."