Cliff Notes for Science!

String Theory

The whole world is held together by teeny-tiny strings that are so small you can’t even see them through a microscope. When these strings are tugged at, it can create a black hole in the fabric of the universe.

Global Warming

Global warming happens every year for about six months before it starts to get colder again. Despite what the politicians say, it does not affect everybody negatively. For example, when global warming makes things hotter in North America, it makes things cooler in Australia.

Tides

The ocean water rises and falls because there are trace amounts of iron in the water that are attracted to the magnetic pull of the Moon.

Absolute Zero

Absolute zero is the lowest possible zero, first discovered by Ancient Egyptians before they figured out fractions.

E=MC^2

Albert Einstein was the smartest guy in the world. Even after he died, nobody could ever figure out what the significance of this equation was. Some say it’s the secret to time-travel. The Russians had their own secret version of this equation during the cold war. Fun fact: People were writing E=MC^2 so much, that it led to the invention of superscript.

F=MA

A measure by which Ministers determine the quality of their sermons, as faith is equal to the size of one’s congregation (mass) multiplied by their attendance.

Power Generation

While power produced from the movement of electrons has high energy costs, power produced from neutrons is usually free of charge.

Periodic Table of Elements

The are five elements on the periodic table. Fire, Earth, Wind, Water and Heart. Some also argue that Leeloo is the fifth element.