If We Took Candidates Seriously...

Following the Canadian elections is so pedestrian. Now following election fuck-ups, that’s hilarious! If we were to judge parties by their weakest links: loudmouth candidates, we can get a perverse perspective on what we might expect in our beloved country in the future.

Conservative Platform!

• Forced education for immigrants so they can learn to respect our laws.
• All natives are to ensure that they behave and are sober.
• 6-day moratorium before we can laugh about a disease.
• Only those who have not lost family in the war are allowed to criticize it.
• Poop jokes are funny again!

Liberal Platform!

• History books to include facts on CIA advanced knowledge of 9/11, and the broader Zionist conspiracy.
• Canada to declare war on Mohawk Nation.

NDP Platform!

• Export American traitors, and find avenues to pursue cruelty against both women and critics.
• Reduced age of sexual consent to 14. Government allowed to act pervish.