Discuss

You know that scene in Jurassic Park when Sam Neill and those kids reach the visitor's center safely? Sam Neill tells them he'll be back soon and leaves, then little Timmy’s eyes go wide as he spots the massive table of desserts sitting out in the open.

What the hell was that all about?

A storm was coming; all the staff was ordered off the island. You would think the chefs would have put that stuff away, right?

Man that irks me.

Sex And The City Summarized in 172 Words

(A tribute to the genius of Rod Hilton)

EXT. A fancy Manhattan restaurant

INT. SARAH JESSICA PARKER and CHRIS NOTH are sitting at a candlelit table.

CHRIS NOTH is wearing a ten-thousand dollar suit, because in New York, all businessmen wear expensive black suits. This is ACCURATE and not at all evidence that DARREN STAR is OUT OF TOUCH with his subject material. CHRIS NOTH’s character is played entirely ONE-DIMENSIONALLY, apparently this is THIRD-WAVE FEMINISM.

SARAH JESSICA PARKER
Thank you for taking me out, you businessman you!

CHRIS NOTH
Wait, I don’t even get a name?!?

SARAH JESSICA PARKER
Oh, that’s right…um…you’re all into business and stuff, right?

CHRIS NOTH
I’m the Director of Procurement for the Greater New York Hospital Association….

SARAH JESSICA PARKER
You’re so cute with all your business and stuff. We’ll call you Mr. Big!

CHRIS NOTH
….

SARAH JESSICA PARKER
Mr. Big! Mr. Big!

CHRIS NOTH:
You’ve got to be kidding me, right?

SARAH JESSICA PARKER
Let’s have sex and then I’ll go buy lots of things that I don’t need!

AUDIENCE
Truly, the times are changing.

Conversations with Jeremy Irons

Casting Director: “Mr. Irons, we’re starting work on a film you might be interested in.”
Jeremy Irons (dramatically): “Is there a dragon in it?”
Casting Director: “Um, no…no dragons. The concept is a re-imagi—”
Jeremy Irons (dramatically): “Will there be magic?”
Casting Director: “If you’ll let me finish. No, there’s no magic. The concept is a re-imagining of Daniel Defoe’s Robinson Crusoe. You’d be play—”
Jeremy Irons (dramatically): “A wizard? A mage? A warlock perhaps?”
Casting Director: “…you’d be playing Crusoe, who finds himself shipwrecked on an island in the—”
Jeremy Irons: “I’ll do it...”
Casting Director: “Huh?”
Jeremy Irons: “On the condition that the writers include a Wyvern’s Nest on the island as well.”
Casting Director: “Huh? What the fuck is a Wy—goddamn it, is that some kind of dragon?”
Jeremy Irons (dramatically): “The Wyvern is a proud and highly intelligent fire-breathing species of dragon which maintains a telepathic bond with its riders, formed by the mental impressions they receive at the time they hatch from their eggs.”
Casting Director: “It’s Robinson-fucking-Crusoe, Mr. Irons. There will be no dragons, magic or twelve-sided dice. Are you even listening to me?”
Jeremy Irons : "I'd prefer if the Wyvern could speak, too."
Casting Director: “What the fuck would a dragon have to say?”
Jeremy Irons: “He'd say that I should have been tapped for one of those Lord of the Rings movies, or Harry Potter, or something."
Casting Director: "I hate you people."